How to Handle Book Reviews Like a Pro (With Emily Golden & Rachel May)
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Receiving your first book review can be both thrilling and terrifying at the same time. Whether it's a glowing five-star love letter or a brutal one-star takedown, reader reviews can send even the most confident authors into an emotional tailspin with imposter syndrome tagging along, too.
However, here's what I've learned after working with hundreds of writers: Your relationship with reviews doesn't have to be a source of constant anxiety. In fact, with the right mindset and practical strategies, reviews can become a valuable part of your author journey rather than something you dread.
I recently sat down with book coaches Emily Golden and Rachel May of Golden May Editing to discuss the challenge of negative reviews. Between their own publishing experiences and years of helping clients navigate the review process, they've witnessed a wide range of emotional reactions—from authors who crumble at the sight of their first negative review to writers who demonstrate incredible resilience.
In this blog post, you'll learn why reviews often feel more intense than other feedback, five essential mindset shifts that foster emotional resilience, essential self-care during review season, and how to use reviews as information rather than instruction. Let's dive in!
Why Reviews Hit So Much Harder Than Beta Feedback
If you've ever felt more defensive about a random reader's review than feedback from your trusted critique partners, you're not imagining things. Reviews operate in a completely different emotional landscape than other types of writing feedback. And they'll trigger all kinds of feelings.
But here's the thing: reader reviews and constructive feedback serve entirely different purposes.
When you receive feedback from beta readers or editors, you're looking for ways to make your story stronger. That's a partnership scenario where you can ask questions, clarify concerns, and implement changes as needed. It's built on trust and respect.
Reviews flip this dynamic entirely. Because when you receive them, your novel is done. You can't change it. A reviewer has the power to say whatever they want, and there's nothing you can do about it, which can feel incredibly frustrating. However, that feeling of helplessness is a normal response.
And here's the mindset reframe that changes everything: reviews aren't actually for you. When someone writes a review, they're talking to other readers, helping them decide whether your book might be their cup of tea. It's not personal feedback meant to improve your story. It's one reader's opinion shared with other potential readers.
Understanding this distinction becomes your foundation for developing a healthier relationship with reviews.
5 Essential Mindset Shifts for Review Resilience
Now, I know what you might be thinking—easier said than done, right? But here's what Emily and Rachel have learned from their own experiences and working with clients.
1. Your Book Is Not You
This sounds deceptively simple, but it's one of the most challenging concepts for writers to truly internalize. When someone criticizes your story, characters, or writing style, they're evaluating your creative work, not your worth as a person.
Rachel May frames this perfectly:
"This book is not you as a person. When there are critiques about this book or positive praise about this book, it does not relate back to how much you love yourself or the worth that you carry about yourself."
Start practicing emotional distance by thinking of your book as a product you created rather than an extension of your soul. You wouldn't take it personally if someone disliked your favorite recipe or a piece of furniture you built. Your novel deserves the same healthy detachment.
2. Know Your Ideal Reader (And Remember Not Everyone Is Them)
Here's something that'll make you feel a lot better: reviews from people who are not your ideal readers simply don't matter. You didn't write your book for them.
Like one of Savannah’s clients who published a sci-fi novel and received a scathing review from someone who openly admitted they don't read or enjoy sci-fi. "Well, yeah, no kidding you didn't like this book," Savannah laughs. "You're not their ideal reader."
Before your book launches, invest time in clearly defining who your story is intended to serve. When reviews arrive from people who obviously aren't your target audience, you can mentally categorize them as "not my reader" and move forward without emotional damage.
3. Accept That Reviews Will Sometimes Hurt (And That's Human)
Stop trying to build emotional armor and focus on healing tools instead.
Many authors approach reviews believing they need to develop a thick skin or find ways to shield themselves from any negative feelings. But Emily offers a crucial reframe…
"One of the biggest things you can do for yourself is acknowledge that it's gonna hurt and let that be okay."
Instead of asking, "How can I protect myself from the hurt?" shift to "What tools do I have in place to move through the hurt?" Consider what genuinely helps you process difficult emotions, like calling a supportive friend, taking a long walk, journaling, or revisiting positive feedback from readers who adored your book.
4. Understand That Rating Systems Aren't Consistent
A three-star review doesn't carry the same meaning across different readers.
Some reviewers reserve five stars exclusively for life-changing books, while others give five stars to anything they genuinely enjoy. Some readers might absolutely love your book yet still assign it four stars simply because that's their personal rating philosophy.
Rachel discovered that readers who love her books and series sometimes give them three or four stars, and that's still an excellent review. A four-star review from someone who loved your book is incredibly valuable.
5. Silent Readers Usually Love Your Book
Most readers who enjoy books never leave reviews. Human psychology tends to prompt us to vocalize negative experiences more readily than positive ones. This means that readers who disliked your book are statistically more likely to leave a review than those who loved it.
If you were to gather all the data from people who read a book, there would be many who really liked it but never even made it to the computer to rate it in the first place.
When negative reviews surface, remember the silent majority of satisfied readers you'll never hear from.
Essential Self-Care During Review Season
Your book launch week should be your least productive time, not your busiest. Launch week demands emotional bandwidth, not maximum output. You'll likely feel scattered, compulsively check your phone, and struggle to focus on other projects. This is entirely normal.
Plan to do nothing except the bare minimum. Clear your calendar of anything that isn't necessary. Permit yourself to be emotionally unavailable for non-essential work during this period.
You have every right to ask your ARC readers not to tag you in negative reviews. When distributing advance copies, include simple guidance: "Feel free to share your honest review, but please don't tag me if it's not positive." This represents standard etiquette in the book community.
Decide upfront whether you want to monitor reviews as they arrive or block them entirely during launch. Neither approach is right or wrong—only what suits your emotional needs. Some authors block review sites completely. Others find themselves too excited to stay away. Whatever you choose, prepare accordingly and have your support tools ready.
Using Reviews as Information, Not Instructions
Should reviews influence your future writing? The answer is nuanced.
For positive reviews, look for patterns in what multiple readers consistently praise. If readers consistently rave about your dialogue or plot twists, consider building on those elements in future projects.
For negative reviews, focus on whether the criticism comes from your target audience or readers who were never going to connect with your style. Don't let every critical comment dictate your creative choices, but pay attention if your ideal readers consistently struggle with the same elements.
Use reviews as data points, not directives. The book is done, but you can apply lessons learned to new stories.
Final Thoughts
Reviews are inevitable in the publishing journey, but they don't have to derail your writing career or diminish your creative confidence. By understanding their true purpose, developing effective emotional resilience strategies, and maintaining a clear perspective on their actual significance, you can navigate the review landscape with confidence.
Remember: every successful author has weathered negative reviews. What separates thriving authors from those who abandon their dreams isn't the absence of criticism—it's the ability to process feedback without allowing it to extinguish their passion for storytelling.
Your book won't resonate with everyone, and that's not just acceptable—it's how publishing actually works. Focus on connecting with your ideal readers, celebrating genuine enthusiasm for your work, and continuing to craft the stories only you can tell.
The readers who need your next book are already out there, waiting. Don't let the wrong readers prevent you from reaching the right ones.
Ready to build the confidence you need to finish your novel and handle the publishing journey (including those nerve-wracking reviews)? Join my free masterclass: "3 Things You Need to Write A Novel in 2025," where I'll share the exact roadmap my students use to go from scattered ideas to finished manuscripts—plus we'll tackle those significant challenges like handling feedback and perfectionism that keep so many writers stuck.
